yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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