i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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