Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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