I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
