He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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