he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
