This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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