If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
