you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
