the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
