i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
