the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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