I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
