Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
