Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
