If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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