And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
