Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
