Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
