omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize