...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize