So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
