they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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