I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
