God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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