last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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