i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
