im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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