Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
