people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
