I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
