The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
