Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
