Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
