Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
