I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we're so committed to being not committed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
