White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
