ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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