he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
