saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
