blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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