dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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