I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
