I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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