couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
