The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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