Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
