Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
