All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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