Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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