Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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